How To Enjoy Orgasms

Simultaneous Orgasms - Do They Matter?

For some reason or other, now that we discuss sex more freely and frankly we've just had to introduce status into our lovemaking.

 Keeping up with the Joneses sexually has become in some quarters a kind of madness and though it may not cost anything financially, it can be emotionally very expensive indeed. -

Joanna's friend Sabrina, who lives next door, tells her that she and her husband Jason make love every day, sometimes twice a day. Eliza and her husband Frederick only make love twice a week.

Eliza, not understanding that Sabrina and Jason's needs are different from her own and Frederick's, demands that Frederick shall make love to her more often. Frederick, who likes to please Eliza as much as he can, tries to oblige. In a short time he begins to find the effort a bit too much, and in her heart, too, Eliza knows that she doesn't need more than two or three orgasms a week.

But she is determined to keep up with Sabrina and when Frederick points out that it's impossible, the sparks begin to fly. What before was a happy, satisfying relationship begins to go downhill. That's what I mean by emotional cost

All this sex-status business started about a century ago, when Marie Stopes and one or two others reminded women that they could have orgasms like men, and had as much right to find sex as pleasurable as their husbands did.

This was a good thing, but unfortunately it wasn't handled in quite the right way, for the women were told that it was the responsibility of their husbands to bring them to orgasm every time they made love, and that a man who couldn't do precisely that was no great shakes as a lover.

Bring me to orgasm! As often as possible! And preferably simultaneously!

The women passed on the message to their men, and since every man wants to be a successful lover, the ability to bring their partners to orgasm every time they made love became a status symbol for men, and a man who could do this became a status symbol for women.

When neither acquired these status symbols for the reason that some men just don't have the sexual imagination to learn how to make a woman come, or because some women are often quite happy to be pleasured without coming every time, conflict once again invaded the love bed.

However, a largish number of couples did acquire the status symbol of "Every Time An Orgasm," and for them, after a time it became old hat, and they had to search for a new status symbol. This time it was "Coming Together" or simultaneous orgasm.

Unhappily a crowd of so-called sex experts jumped on this bandwagon, and cracked it up for all it was worth. One said: "Simultaneous orgasm is the most perfect of all sexual experiences. When a couple reach their climax at the same moment they can call themselves with every justification, lovers par excellence, because not only are the respective climaxes the most intense they can ever be, at the moment of mutual climax the lovers become truly fused into one being."

What these same experts did not explain was that the timing of simultaneous orgasm is so tricky that even really expert lovers cannot achieve it at will. When it happens, even for them, more often than not the two orgasms are less intense than the tandem orgasms which truly skillful lovers most often use, in which the woman leads off and the man follows. And why?

First: In trying to come together the couple are usually concentrating so much on this result that they don't pay the attention they should to the buildup techniques.

Second, if the man happens to come first, more often than not he can't continue long enough to bring his partner to climax with his penis and has to get off her and finish with finger or mouth-=which necessitates a break in her build-up and could put her right off.

And if the man makes sure that his partner comes before he does, while he is bringing himself to the same happy conclusion, he is giving his partner an extra bonus of sensations, because the woman's s orgasm sensations last much longer than the man's "Coming Together" remained the status symbol until a few years back when Masters and Johnson introduced Multiple Orgasms.

Quite a number of sexually well-attuned women before then had been having the experience of coming two or three times in fairly, quick succession to the man's once during a single session, had enjoyed it, but hadn't written home about it.

It didn't always happen, but when it did it was an amazing experience.

Then Masters and Johnson came along and announced that all women are capable of having multiple orgasms whenever they want to.

So in America multiple orgasms have now become the No. 1 Sex Status Symbol. In some quarters, especially in the United States, it is a matter of three or four orgasms in one session, or even ten, twenty, thirty in an hour. The other day I read about a woman who can have as many hundred in an hour; though what she gets out of it I can't think, except a sore clitoris and a nagging ache in the small of the back.

For most women, however, multiple orgasm is a technique that has to be acquired, and there are many women around who just can't get the hang of it at all. The truth is, there is no need for them to get the hang, of it, for the simple reason that when their first orgasm is so good, they are completely satisfied by it.

But I have evidence, too, that, like "Coming Together," multiple orgasm as a status symbol is causing a great deal of sexual unhappiness. Women who can't come two or three times are worrying because they think they must have something wrong with them, and men who can't bring their partner to climax more than once are beginning to lose faith in themselves as lovers. If they go on, they will eventually feel so sexually inadequate, they will become completely inadequate and won't be able to have sex at all.

Good loving, in my book, has absolutely nothing to do with Sex Status Symbols. Don't go in for competitions. Don't care much about other peoples' lovemaking, except they are sad when they hear that either through lack of imagination, ignorance, carelessness or some other cause, a couple haven't had or never do have good sessions.

Status Sex is about as silly a concept as it is possible to come up with. For heaven's sake, let's be natural about our loving, using the talents we have been given to the best of our ability, skills and imagination.

The real purpose of lovemaking is:

  • To provide one another with a crescendo of sensuous pleasure (read more here on this!)

  • To have fun doing it

  • To come with the greatest bang possible to show each other how much your relationship means and how pleasurable sex can be.


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